In Which I’m thankful for my sewing machine

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So, I used to really love Etsy. I would browse for hours drooling over flowey organic cotton tunics and saving images for future sewing endeavors.

Pregnancy has changed that.

Whilst looking for something simple and comfortable to possibly buy myself as a “treat” for after the birth, I came across the terrifying world of maternity shirts.

Behold.

But what about the days that I actually wear a real cardigan?? What if someone tries to unbutton it to get a peak at the baby? Can’t be giving people ideas.

This is just scary.

Oh, look! The inside of my uterus! I’ve always wanted people to be able to see right through me.

Well, no, actually its not. The last thing anyone needs to do while pregnant is worry about being skinny. This is the ONE time in your life that people EXPECT you to gain weight. Come on!

You know, just to avoid any confusion or awkward questions of “due any day now, aren’t you?” I might as well tell them where I’m birthing. That way they can mark their calendars.

Kids, it doesn’t work this way. I promise.

First of all…why does a woman need a shirt to communicate this? Why is it acceptable to just assume that someone wants to be touched because they’re growing a baby inside of them? How about you don’t look, either? Didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s terribly rude to stare? What is wrong with the world?

Yes, let’s let everyone know that we got drunk and sexy while on vacation. Great idea.

Jason will appreciate this one. Good reason to have a kid! (never mind that they thousands of dollars over the course of their young lives…)

Apparently, they’ve never heard of condoms. Or NFP. Or the pill.

And for the lads, so that you can make sure everyone knows that you knocked up your lady…

To summarize: I will likely be buying a few yards of organic cotton and sewing my own shirt. The end.

*Note: If my sarcasm and lack of good humor over the whole commercialization of pregnancy offends you, I’m truly sorry. I understand that every woman looks at this process through a different lens, and that what one woman finds unsettling another woman might really get a kick out of. Take this post with that grain of salt and hopefully it will bring out the right flavors for you!

 

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